Welcome! Thank you for your presence!
It’s me, Mackensey. And here is a far too brief attempt at sharing a bit of my story. 5 lessons I learned along the road from a hopeless, broken, trauma-ruled little girl to an ever evolving woman on a daily mission to embody her Radiance. I share this with the intention of letting you See me. As a Breathwork Healer and Reiki Master I have learned many things, but by far the most potent has been the power of being Witnessed. I will never ask anyone I work with to go somewhere I am not willing to go myself, so here we are. Here I am.
Lesson #1: We Never Do This Alone.
I was 20 years old, living in my home state of Nebraska living a life as far away from my true self as I could get. I was addicted, miserable, suicidal, depleted, destructive and dangerous. For reasons I will never fully comprehend my everything changed April 2014. One day, as I was contemplating how I could end it all, something within me woke up. A moment of clarity occurred and my vision broadened until I could see the reality of my life. I was hopeless and somehow a voice in my head whispered, “Ask for help.” That is how it began. That is how I started walking back to my Radiance, by that first gift of grace and subsequent asking of help.
Why that occurred and why I actually listened that time compared to all the other wake-up calls I couldn’t tell you. I believe there are Mysteries of Spirit in this life that are never meant to be revealed. But I learned the first of many lessons, I could no longer do this life thing on my own. We aren’t meant to be isolated from our fellows or the world. Circumstance may lead us to believe that is our purpose, to be alone, but through a miracle my eyes cleared to see the truth and I asked for help.
Lesson #2: Suffering Is An Option
I wound up in California, seeking recovery from my substance abuse and healing for trauma I had carried since childhood. This was where the work began for me. Coming back to life sounds refreshing and positive, but when you have been spiritually dead and physically on the brink of it, the coming back to life process is anything but pleasant. The first year was filled with constant challenges to FEEL. Fully and fiercely FEEL IT ALL. Everything I had been running from for the majority of my life was waiting for me and to find Freedom I would have to feel and face it all.
Thank God for one of my first mentors, Tina Carson who swooped in as the first example to me of a woman who had walked through the flames and returned to tell the tale. Tina taught me how to “be” with my pain, and that suffering was an option. I learned how to not only walk through the feelings, but how to DISCOVER myself through them. Pain became less and less of a negative and more and more a gift, a gift from Spirit that if opened would lead me home to my Radiance. My options were clear: stay stuck or break free. Hold my pain and continue to suffer within a self-imposed prison or reach into my pocket to unlock the door and walk through the feelings. I practiced a newfound faith that those around me would hold the space while I walked through the flames to freedom.
Lesson #3: Magic is Real
Along the way I found Reiki. A dear friend showed me how to read energy with my hands. Scanning the energy field of my boyfriend’s body I giggled with nervousness, not expecting anything to happen. Once my hand moved over his heart a download of loving energy moved through my body like a shock wave. Tears flooded my eyes and I could not speak. Eventually all I could whisper was the stunned phrase, “Magic is Real.”
In me I knew I had to pursue this path of healing with my hands. An overwhelming urge would not settle, the likes of which I had never felt before. Everywhere I went and everything I did was colored with this new lens of awareness. I had to learn more and promptly sought out a Reiki Master to work with. With each class I felt more and more emotional and spiritual “gunk” clear out of my body. My growth became exponential. My essence came more and more to the surface of my awareness, old ways of being were stripped away. The Reiki itself became my greatest master. Ultimately the reward of working with and teaching others became my mission and passion. Thus, Radiance Realized was born.
Lesson #4: The Healer must Heal.
The Breathwork found me at a time when I didn’t know how badly I would need it. My first experience blew me away. Through the breath I felt a trauma leave my body from childhood and felt closure for the first time. No matter how much work I had done the pattern from that experience would always come back, and through one Breathwork session it has never returned. I sprung up from the mat and knew I had to bring this Breathwork to as many people as I could. Little did I know that but a month later I would experience a loss of a pregnancy that rocked my world.
Reality as I knew it broke down any false defense I ever had, and for the first time I lost any connection with God. The Breathwork became my anchor. It nurtured and nursed me back to me. With each session my grief expanded so I could move through it. The Breathwork continuously shone light on all of the gifts hidden in the darkness enveloping my reality. It saved my life, and now I have the privilege of holding space for others. I learned that if I can’t be present in my own darkness, how could I ever be present for yours. With each event and session that I have the honor of facilitating this truth is reminded again and again, that all healing in this world starts within each of us.
Lesson #5: Realize Your Radiance
So here I am, still seeking, still recovering, still evolving. The loudest lesson in my head these days is the lesson that each of us has a whole, perfect, Radiant soul. The lesson that Radiance Realized was founded upon. Over time when this Radiance is scarred, hidden, buried, forgotten, abandoned, and abused we forget it. But ultimately WE EACH have the capacity to heal ourselves back to this Wholeness. We can remember. We can Realize the Radiance we seek is and always was within. It isn’t about bypassing the pain, it is about holding it as close as we can to see the Radiance in it.
There was no one moment when my center of gravity shifted from hopeless to radiance. There were many small, subtle, potent moments surrounded by people who loved me until I loved myself. And together those moments created a path that brought me back to life.